bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
