we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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