That's intense
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize