Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
