yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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