My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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