He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize