If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
