Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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