I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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