What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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