Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
