Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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