Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
