He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
