woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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