so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
