I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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