when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
