oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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