I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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