Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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