Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
