Don't make out with my wife yet
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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