The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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