at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
