Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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