Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my shit smells like andre
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
