My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
