dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize