i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
