this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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