woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
