I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
