Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
