Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
