He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
