i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
