the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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