omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
