I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
