So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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