I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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