I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
