I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
