Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
