Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize