we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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