16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
