Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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