so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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