and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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