Tell her she can't have a vagina
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
