I don't usually arrange sex via text message
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize