Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
