Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
