Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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