I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
