I want to stick my p in your. b.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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