I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
