My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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