How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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