peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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