to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
