Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
