At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
