1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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