i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
