you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
