remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
