i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pants are for mortals
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
