So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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